How I coped up with an emotional dilemma after marriage?

I am married from last couple of years but still in contact with my ex. I know it is not acceptable but the reason my ex and me are in contact is nothing but deep love and affection for each other. I was in a relationship for almost 3 years with my ex prior to my marriage. I really did not want to marry my now husband but my parents did not agree to a love marriage from different region and caste.

I even told my husband before we married that I love someone and wanted to marry him but my parents and all family members brainwashed him in such a way that he thought I knowingly said that just to avoid marrying him, finally we go married.

I was in a deep state of pain as the marriage day progressed, I told my ex that I will be in contact but my phone number will change. I changed my phone number just a day before my marriage and I know it was the last day I contacted him. I cried a lot, he also cried and said you can still come to me. He believed till the last day that I will come to him but told him that I am helpless as we come from a middle class family and we are closely connected in our community, If I runaway my parents may get a heartache as the image of our family will be ruined. 



I told him that whatever message he wants to convey he should convey through my mailbox. He has my email password, I told him to save it in the draft. For almost a month I could not check my mails. As I was married into a conservative family I had less freedom to go out. After a month I went to a cyber café to access my mails, I saw almost 100 mails saved as draft.

This was a difficult time for me as I became a sexual prey for my husband, he would have sex with me regularly for almost 3 months twice a day, he most of the times would stay at home for the same, as my husband was not in a job he had freedom to stay at home whenever possible. At one side I still could not forget my ex while at the other side I found myself into a forced relationship; it was really difficult for me to cope up this dilemma.

 

By : | Category : Confession Page| Sub Category : Love & Relationship|Date : September 07,2016

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